This article was originally written by Alex for the Helium.com title:

“Communicating with negative people and the effect it has on your happiness“. You can view the Helium version here.

It’s undeniably true that there will always be people in this world who see the glass as half empty. These are your negative people, who typically see the worst in a situation, no matter what the situation may be. Communicating with these people, whether they are friends, family, or coworkers, can often be difficult, exhausting, and can hinder your happiness. Why are these people negative though? Once we know the answer to this question, and gain some understanding into the problem we can find solutions to beating the negatively that these people possess.

The Good & Bad Sides

To every situation there is in the world, there is always a “good side” and a “bad side”, or positive and negative sides. These positive and negative sides are typically subjective and dependent on the person who views the situation. In reality there is no situation that is strictly good or strictly bad. This is all determined based on the perception of the person who has the view. People who view the positive/good side are known to be optimistic, while people who view the negative/bad side are pessimistic.

The classic “glass with water” analogy proves this pessimistic/optimistic theory that the way we view things subjectively ultimately determines if a situation is positive or negative. In reality, the glass has water in it taking up half its volume. It isn’t “half empty” nor is it “half full”, those are opinions based solely on an individual’s judgment.

It’s important to realize and understand that situations have both a good and a bad side. Choosing one side over another limits your ability to find the real truth that lies in seeing the broader picture.

Depression & Negativity

People who are overly negative are depressed. This is typically the main reason why negative people always see the worst in a situation. They can be depressed for many reasons, and it’s possible they are despondent about a certain topic or situation because it has hurt them in the past. Whatever the reason, they reflect their sorrow on the world around them, seeing only the bad things in life, which makes them even more depressed, and thus continues this downward spiral of negativity.

Once we realize that a person is depressed, we want to help them if we can. We don’t want to see our friends and family in pain. So, we try to help them cope with their sadness, or fix their problems and reasons for their depression. What happens though is that these people can’t really be helped until they want to be helped. It isn’t until a depressed person realizes that they are depressed, and desires to make a change for the better, that they can be helped. If you feel that a friend of family member of yours is depressed, I seriously recommend having them discuss with a professional such as a psychiatrist about their depression as it can be a very serious problem leading to physical harm and death.

Jealousy & Negativity

Some people are also negative from jealousy or envy. People that are negative tend to resent people who aren’t, and it seems to be a subconscious goal of theirs to make the positive/happy people around them as negative and miserable as they are. Instead of trying to fix the cause of their negativity and jealousy within themselves, they want to change other’s happiness. They do this because it is much easier to affect the minds of the people around them by perpetuating their negative opinions than it is to make real changes in their own personality.

This jealousy can also relate to success or achievements. I have known negative people who after I had told them good news about myself, were the first to show their cynical attitude and point out why it isn’t good news at all. I knew that these people were only trying to sap my happiness, and I ignored their ill-willed comments. People should be happy for the success of their friends, family, and the people around them. Instead of feeling bad about not having someone’s success or achievements, these defeatists should use it as a learning experience and stepping stone to change their own lifestyle. Like I said, it is much easier to perpetuate a negative attitude than to change it.

If you know a person who shows this type of jealous negativity, I would recommend avoiding them if you can. These people believe that you are part of their problem, even though in actuality you aren’t, so it is best to stay away from them, because they will only continue to attempt to make you feel badly about your achievements.

Breaking the Negativity Virus

Negativity is truly a virus of the personality. It infects the mind of one person, and that person continues to spread the virus to other people. It’s extremely important that you don’t become infected, and here are a few tips on how to break the chain of infection from the Negativity Virus:

• Trust in your own opinions
  Negative and positive views are only opinions, and you should realize that no opinion is a fact, so trust your opinion above the opinions of others if you don’t agree with them. It’s important to get the opinion of many different people anyway, so don’t focus on a single negative one. Remember that your happiness is valuable to you and no one has the right to take that away from you if you don’t allow it.


• Show the good in the bad
  If you know a pessimistic person that always points out the bad in situations, you can combat the attitude by telling them the good in the situation, or even have them tell you the good in the situation. Pessimism is based on a subjective view of something, so it is helpful to have a pessimistic person realize that there is a good side as well to be seen.


• Be kind, but don’t be an ego feeder
  Negative people often search for people to feed their egos to make them feel better about themselves, which is only a temporary gratification. It’s important to be kind to the people around you, but don’t overdo it to the point that people talk to you just for an ego boost.


• Include the negative person in a positive situation
  Sometimes it can really help to change the outlook a person has just by including them in a fun event, or happy situation. People can sometimes be truly missing out on the great things that life has to offer, so if you can, try to include them in something fun that you are doing. You may just happen to guide them back on the right track.


• Isolate yourself as a last resort
  Sometimes there are people that no matter what you try to help or resolve a person’s negativity, they remain pessimistic. At this point, I recommend breaking ties with these people, and isolating yourself from them. There isn’t much else you can do to help, so it is pointless to continue subjecting yourself to their negative attitude.

Dealing with negative people can often seem like a daunting task, one that leaves you feeling sapped of energy, but once you understand the cause of a person’s pessimistic attitude, you can help try to fix it or recommend someone who can. Trust in yourself and do your best to see the great things in the world while trying to eliminate the bad. If you do this and do it well, eventually the pessimists will follow.

The way we see the world is only a matter of perception.

          In an effort to provide more frequent and better quality articles on alexlandis.com, I have started writing topics for Helium.com. Helium is an article submission web site, in which writers can submit articles on a vast number of topics, and earn money for them because Helium shares it’s advertising profits with its writers.

          The articles I write for that site, I will also post here. I will also give these articles a specific category called “helium.com” so you can find which articles have been written specifically for Helium.com topics. Hopefully this will mean more writing from me at better quality. Writing at a regular pace has been an issue for me in recent months and this is an effort to help me get back into the swing of things.

If you’d like to check out the articles I’ve currently written for Helium.com, you can do so here.

Thanks again for checking out alexlandis.com and for your continued support!

Heath Ledger died today at the age of 28. The Academy Award-nominated Australian actor led a very promising career starring in such films as Ten Things I Hate About You, The Patriot, Monster’s Ball, A Knight’s Tale, Brokeback Mountain, and finally as the role of the Joker in the new Batman movie The Dark Knight to be released this summer.

It always saddens me when a talented person dies before their time. I see (as I’m sure most of you see) the potential of these young celebrities, and it’s a shame when that potential is extinguished. We are left trying to understand why someone with such a bright future can be taken from us.

I think that we as people are always looking for a hero, someone to root for, and expect great things from, despite what the news reports show on tv. When I speak of hero, I don’t mean Superman, or the person saving people from burning buildings. I speak more specifically of a person who is genuine, strong, capable of great things, a leader, and a good person.

When I think of Ledger, I think that Ledger was a person people could root for. He was a celebrity that hadn’t succumbed to the corruptibility of a celebrity lifestyle, unlike so many of his young peers, and I believe we admire that. This is why it shocks us when such a person is gone, because it wasn’t expected in any way.

So often we see in the media, the spectacles of crazed celebrities, that the good ones, the ones who live admirable lives, go unnoticed. I despise our media for focusing only on the negative side of people and society. It insults me that the media treats us like we’re gluttons for misery, suffering, and human embarrassment. This isn’t true for me.

I hope that Heath Ledger has gone to a better place, and my condolences go out to his family and friends. He will be missed.

“Man, I see in fight club the strongest and smartest men who’ve ever lived. I see all this potential, and I see squandering. God damn it, an entire generation pumping gas, waiting tables; slaves with white collars. Advertising has us chasing cars and clothes, working jobs we hate so we can buy shit we don’t need. We’re the middle children of history, man. No purpose or place. We have no Great War. No Great Depression. Our Great War’s a spiritual war… our Great Depression is our lives. We’ve all been raised on television to believe that one day we’d all be millionaires, and movie gods, and rock stars. But we won’t. And we’re slowly learning that fact. And we’re very, very pissed off.”

- Tyler Durden, from Fight Club (movie)

I’ve been reading Chuck Palahniuk’s, Fight Club lately. I watched the movie again the other night. I can’t help but feeling that I relate to the men in the book, the movie, a generation of men who feel like boys, lost, and unsure what it really means to be a man to begin with.

To deal with these insecurities, these men create a Fight Club, a place they can all join together and try to discover their hidden manhood by beating the shit out of each other.

“We’re a generation of men raised by women. I’m wondering if another woman is really the answer we need.”

What happens to a boy as he grows up without a strong father figure in his life? Does he grow up becoming less of a man…a man child?

Mother’s are great, but I don’t think they can show a boy how to be a man. They can’t give a boy that sense of pride, and inner strength that a man has. Some things a boy has to hear from a man, has to learn from a man before they can be truly believed and appreciated.

My mom raised me, even though my dad was around till I was 19. He provided for my family, but it was as little as he could get away with. I think about it sometimes, and wish that my dad had taught me how to play sports, or any sport, helped me with my homework, or showed me how to talk to girls. It may seem unimportant, but really I wanted a father who was involved in my life. I needed a father to show me how to be strong, dignified, and instill those values in me.

I didn’t have that example to learn from, so instead I had to learn from his bad example. I realized that when I grew older that I wanted to be nothing like my dad, that I would learn from his mistakes, so that when I had a family of my own, I wouldn’t treat them the way my dad had treated mine.

When I used to get into arguments with my mom and things got heated, she’d say to me that I was like my dad, and I wonder if she knew how badly telling me that had hurt. I ended up telling her at one point to never say I was like my dad again, because it wasn’t true, and she had no right saying it. A child shouldn’t feel this way about their father.

I think boys raised by their mothers tend to be more creative and expressive. I look at the music industry, and I know this holds true for hip hop artists. Tupac, Jay-Z, The Notorious B.I.G., Eminem, 50 Cent, and Kanye West all grew up without major father figures in their lives. I wonder how this relates to visual artists, writers, and other creative men. Does being raised without a strong father figure lead to an increase in creativity or expressiveness as an adult? How about increased femininity?

Who knows…but I’m thinking about starting my own Fight Club. Any other lost fatherless males care to join me?

“Our fathers were our models for God. If our fathers bailed, what does that tell you about God?”